My husband of eight years is a non practising muslim. He lost his job in Nov. 2002 during Ramadan and has been out of work since. He has not once prayed to Allah to ask for help with a job. Instead, he wakes up at 3, 4, 5 in the afternoon. He has even woken up at 8 or 9 o'clock in the evening. he then plays on the computer ALL night and goes to bed at 6 or 7 in the morning, when I am getting up for fajr namaz. We have 3 children whom he hardly sees because they are usually going to bed as he is getting up. If i try to wake him in the mornings to take the children to school, or on a Friday for Jumaah namaz, he will shout or swear or hit me. I have to look after the children myself, go and do all the shopping even for meat. I don't like to go to the meat shop because only men are there.but if I don't go he thratens to kick me out of the home. I am also at college so it is very hard for me to do everything myself. I always pray to Allah for his guidance and help but I am only human and the situation is getting more difficult. I cannot cope with things as they are. I am not exagerrating when I tell you he is on the computer every night and not looking for a job. Since November he has been shopping only 2 times, taken the children to school maybe 10 times. He does'nt leave the house to visit family, and nobody comes to visit anymore. Our money is getting less and he tells me to leave the house if I don't like things. I cannot bear to look or speak to him, but still I pray to Allah that our situation is improved, and that Allah may choose to open my husbands eyes and heart. His parents have spoken to him, but he doesn't listen, and now his mother is always blaming me. I didn't loose him his job, neither do I complain about him not finding another one. I am not a wife who asks for alot of money to buy gold and jewellery and fancy clothes, but I do want good things for my children and food at home, this is why I go to college so insh'allah i can find a suitable job. But my husband won't stop this addiction of the computer, he doesn't stop shouting at the children every day if they become noisy while they are playing and he is sleeping during the day. What can I do?.
We ask Allaah to help you and give you strength, and to guide
your husband aright.
Undoubtedly by taking care of your children and being keen to
guide your husband, you are doing good and will be rewarded in sha Allaah,
for Allaah does not cause the reward of those who do good to be lost.
Our advice to you is to keep on being patient and making
du’aa’ for your husband, and striving to guide him, through his parents, his
brothers and those who have any influence on him. If a man neglects his duty
towards his family he exposes himself to the wrath and anger of Allaah,
because he is neglecting that which Allaah has entrusted to his care. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you
is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is the
shepherd of his people and is responsible for his flock. A man is the
shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock….” This hadeeth was
narrated by al-Bukhaari, 893; Muslim, 1826, from Ibn ‘Umar. And the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said of his household:
“Allaah will ask every shepherd about that which was entrusted to his care,
whether he took care of it or neglected it, and He will even ask a man about
his family.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Ghaayat al-Maraam, no. 271
And he said: “It is sufficient sin for a man to neglect those
who are under his care.” Narrated by Ahmad and Abu Dawood from the hadeeth
of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami’, no. 827.
And he said: “There is no
man whom Allaah causes to be appointed to a position of responsibility and
he does not discharge his duties sincerely, but he will not even smell the
fragrance of Paradise.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6731.
We do not think that your husband would like to have this
warning directed at him, or that he would want his wife to spend on him and
take care of him. This is something that men instinctively dislike.
You said that he sleeps and misses the prayers because he
stays up at night and wastes his time. This means that he is in grave danger
from another angle. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Then, there has succeeded them a posterity who have given
up As‑Salah (the prayers) [i.e. made their Salah (prayers) to be lost,
either by not offering them or by not offering them perfectly or by not
offering them in their proper fixed times] and have followed lusts. So they
will be thrown in Hell”
Ibn Mas’ood said that
al-Ghayy (translated here as “Hell”) is a valley in Hell that is very deep
and has an awful taste.
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“. So woe unto those performers of Salaah (prayers),
5. Those who delay their Salaah (prayer from their stated
This refers to those who delay their prayers from the proper
times. But if he does not pray at all, then this is kufr which puts him
beyond the pale of Islam, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “Between a man and shirk and kufr there stands his
giving up prayer.” Narrated by Muslim, 82.
And he said: “The covenant that stands between us and them is
prayer. Whoever gives it up is a kaafir.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2621;
al-Nasaa’i, 463; Ibn Maajah, 1079; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
In that case you have to advise him, and if he persists in
not praying, then you have to prevent him from being intimate with you until
he repents and starts to pray.
We ask Allaah to set the affairs of all the Muslims traight.
And Allaah knows best.