Marriage is fulfilling half of one's religious duties in Islam. Therefore, learning to be a confident, supportive, loving, wise and righteous wife should be a top priority for all Muslim women once they are married. And, in doing so, Muslim wives have the profound power to offer much happiness to this world, as noted in the sayings of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him,
"This world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous wife". (Sahih Muslim).
Learning new methods to help Muslim wives fulfill their duties and responsibilities to their husband, family and household are also seen as completing critical acts of worship to Allah, may He be glorified. Listed below are some tips for a Muslim Wife striving to reach new levels of happiness for herself and her family:
* Understand your duties, roles and responsibilities as a Muslim Wife. By understanding that your husband is the Imam, spiritual leader, of your family should give you great peace of mind. The ultimate responsibility of providing for the family financially, spiritually, physically, morally, and emotionally lies on his shoulders. And, the consequences of his abilities to do it appropriately and righteously are weighed on his scale of good and bad deeds. His inability to advise or provide correctly may incur sins by Allah because he is failing in his duties as the Imam. For example, if he advises you or your children to do something unacceptable in Islam, and you obey his wishes, he incurs the sin for teaching you wrongly as well as your sins for doing the sinful act. Therefore, you should appreciate the great blessing for solely being responsible for what is inside the home, your children and wealth.
* Strive to be your husband's partner in this life deserving of the hereafter. You should strive to reach the highest level of heaven, furdose, together. Offer him the comfort and joy to do the difficult yet extremely rewarding acts of worship. For example, be his alarm clock for fajr, make sure he does not miss his prayers or jummah (congregational prayer on Friday). Prepare a healthy suhoor (breakfast before fasting) and have iftar (meal after the fast) ready on time. Help save money for Hajj, encourage giving random charity throughout the year beyond the prescribed zakat (alms-giving) and accept a more modest lifestyle in return. Offer to make Qayal al-Lail (night prayers) together in the third part of the night, and strive to be the most caring, compassionate.
* Be his trustworthy confidante. Listen intently to his secrets. Be proud of your unique and special bond. Accept the responsibility that you share his inner most visions, goals, hopes, dreams, worries, and pain. Offer him the support that no one else can offer, simply because you are the only one that knows and understands him to his fullest. Mediate in kind tones when you sense he needs an advisor and best-friend. Take pride that you are his chosen confidante, so continue to foster an environment so he always turns to you first. Know that it is haram (prohibited) to share family secrets, especially private acts and words shared by a married couple.
* Apply the art of influencing positive moods during difficult times.Being the sunshine to your husband's rainy days is difficult and tricky, yet one of the most treasured skills. Learn to listen patiently even if his anger makes you uneasy--know that your happy mood is what you want as the outcome, not his continued anger. Offer happiness to brighten his sadness. Rush to please him during times of frustration. Be a balanced, respectful leader so he values your strength, but beware that arrogance does not overcome you. Be kind and gentle often enough, without showing you are incapable or weak. Be confident and aggressive enough to teach him something new, yet not rude, abrasive or hurtful in the process. Be his wise woman...second to his mom. [Be aware that you and your mother-in-law have completely different relationships with your husband. Resisting competition shows your level of self-respect and dignity--qualities he years for in a pious wife.]
* Strive to have your home his chosen place of comfort and leisure. Cleanliness, organization, brightness and clutter-freedom keep a home happy and fun. A creative woman can find her family's comfort zone and preferences. It is possible to find tones that are naturally colorful and lively yet calming. Beyond the overall pleasing appeal of your home, you need to be refreshing to him close-up too. Allow your bodily fragrances and breathe to always be worth being a cheek apart. Allow him all the reasons to rush home because it is safe, healthy, and peaceful and fun--his getaway from the daily stresses of work, and outside forces. Make a lifetime goal to establish and share all your favorite halal (permissible) past-times together. From fixing cars, cooking exotic meals, playing family board games, reciting Qur'an, learning nasheeds (Islamic songs), and grocery shopping--family time is sacred treasured time. Be your family's Leisure Leader.
* Strive to be the best personal chef you possibly can. Be keen to please all his senses, which the beauty of food has the ability to do. Be patient and try to learn how to master the art of offering a refreshing scent to your nose, pleasurable texture to your fingers, appealing display to your eyes, and the peaceful silence to your ears--all in one tasty meal. Remember that this is possible with the least of foods. For example, some of the favorite foods of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, were milk, olives, olive oil, bread, cucumbers, and dates.
* Be timely and aware. Organize a schedule tight enough to maintain a healthy routine and regularity to your life; yet flexible enough to allow for surprises and randomness. Know that the dunya (this life on Earth) is very short, and that every positive act is one step closer to the akhira (hereafter), inshaAllah (God willing).
* Strive to please Allah and Allah Alone, may He be glorified.Make pure intentions in all that you do, especially when you are ultimately doing something "just" for your husband, children or household. Know that these are your duties as the Muslim wife, and be thankful that no good deed will ever be overlooked or under-appreciated by our One Beneficent Creator. Do not strive for the temporary conveniences of this life (such as, "Thank you" gifts, or words of praise). Be aware that you can be the greatest joy in his life and worthy of great things in the hereafter. Ameen.
Ponn Sabra MPH, a highly-prolific public health official, turned best-selling author, internet marketer and columnist, now focuses all her time and energy to being a Muslim homeschooling mom. Ponn and her 3 girls created the 1st and largest online community dedicated to American Muslim moms where they share their high-tech, traveling, green tips, tools, contests and more. Come grab some great freebies at